The Pain of Separation

Oddly enough, I needed my pain as much as this crutch needed me, as I had the dis­tinct feel­ing Nature was dri­ving me to lose my self in some yet unknown task. If only I could let go of my self, long enough to taste how it felt to for­get about one­self, I believed I would actu­ally find myself. In imbib­ing the spir­its of alco­hol, I had sought the spirit of such an expe­ri­ence. Because my actions were self-​​serving, that is, unful­fill­ing, I drank exces­sively, ever seek­ing to find that state of mind which could ulti­mately free me from the pain of my self. Instead of los­ing my self to the Spirit cry­ing out within me, I lost myself to the spir­its of alco­hol which then blacked out my pain and brought to life the soul­less Hyde hid­ing behind Nature’s desire for unity with spirit.
Com­pelled to release the incred­i­ble ten­sion that’d built up between Mother Nature and Father Spirit as a result of their long sep­a­ra­tion from each other, I real­ized I couldn’t accept just any olé way of life fate threw at me, like that of the Great Gray Bitch or any of her pros­ti­tutes, for only the real thing, the way of my soul, could ever cool this com­pul­sion of mine.