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An Exercise in Visualizing the Invisible

Otherwise, I found life onboard ship boring as usual, so much so, that one day I was moved to paint what I was feeling after having been assigned to paint some pipes that ran up beside an exterior bulkhead along the starboard side of the hangar bay. Since these pipes had already been prepped, I [...]

The Vagaries of a Melancholy Mood

As the ship steamed relentlessly southward at full speed ahead, the mood of the crew grew conspicuously more somber. Forced to let go of the frenzied and orgiastic pleasures of a Dionysian holiday in Japan, they unwillingly surrendered themselves to the more Apollonian way of life found onboard the ship. Totally incapable of seeing beyond [...]

The True Meaning of Forgiveness

I was so overwhelmed by my own existential pain that, to this very day, I can recall little else about the trip back to Yokuska. O how I did long for a way out of the nightmare that haunted me, both day and night. O how I ached for the physical presence of Mary, as [...]

Walking on Water

Having been relieved of my duties, I was sent below, never to stand another watch while I remained in First Division. Even I had to laugh as variations of the story, about how I’d hit the old man in the head with orange peelings, filtered back down to me through the crew. Lest I get [...]

A Formidable Barrier

Around this time, I bought some civilian clothes so that I could go down to Waikiki Beach, in the evenings, and blend in with the rest of the tourists. For the sake of my humanity, I needed to get away from that menagerie of animals back onboard the ship, as much as possible, to avoid [...]

Stuck on the Threshold of a Dream

That night I had a dream in which I found myself wrestling with a prostitute who kept insisting that I give into her. All night long did I struggle, in and out of sleep, to resist her entreaties. Just before dawn, I gave into her in a moment of weakness. Immediately, I woke up. Deeply [...]

To Eat or Not To Eat

While I had certainly reached a low point in my life, I had not the slightest clue as to how I could escape this black hole. Caught up in the vortex of this hell, I cried out in anguish one night, “O God, please help me, for I’m at my wits end. I must get [...]

The Real War

“Only when the individual and the collective realize their indebtedness to each other will we tear down the iron curtain that so divides our collective psyche. As the collective must put everything it possesses into the development of the individual, so must the individual give back to the collective all it has given him. Only [...]

A Woman in Distress

Having popped through a forward hatch onto the bow of the ship, I immediately encountered a guard with a .45 strapped to his side, pacing back and forth across the deck, oblivious of the shrill sound that pierced the air like the screaming of a woman in distress. “This is ASROC,” I heard my guide [...]

Who You Really Are

“You must faithfully reproduce the man God intended you to become,” declared my mentor. “Only, I do not know this man,” I insisted. “Nor did the Buddha or Christ,” responded my mentor. “It took Christ thirty years to come to a fuller understanding of Who He Really Is. Like the Buddha, it may take you [...]